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Fearless
Have you ever feel down? Like you messed around something important in your life? When there's nothing you can do. Even, you're best skill can't help it? Maybe I'm the one of many people who feeling like this. It feel so worse. I can't help it. I don't know what am I supposed to do. I'm totally lost. Don't know where to go. People always judge me. I act like I don't care, but deepest inside I'm crying."Who are you? You think you're perfect? No!"
"You're nothing. You're trash!"
"You're so disgusting"
"That's impossible. For someone like you"
"You can't do that. So stop dreaming"
"You have the skill, but you don't have a courage and you're done!"
"I don't want to accuse but, you're not the old you"
"How pathetic you are!"
"Just give up"
You know what? That was the hardest moment in my life. Every time, every night I always wishes something when I pray
"God, can I go to the past and fix everything?"
In the morning I got the answer
"Huft, God never help me if I just laying in my home and just praying"
In the night I wish
"I'm gonna do something! I swear! But.... How?"
In morning
"Oh yeah! First I must take out the fear of myself"
In the next night
"God, I will do it. I want to fix everything"
In the morning
"God bless me. I believe I can do it"
Another wish in the night
"I got happiness today. I gotta do it! Yeah, I will do it better and better for the best result"
Finally, someday when I never know I can't do that. Now, the highest thing in my dream come back. And screaming
"Yes! I did it!"
It was the second time I said that. You know the differences? Yeah, for this time, I reach everything with many difficult things. Sometimes, I wanna give up. But, it can't fix anything.
I realize that I can't go back and make a new beginning. But, who knows if I start today and make a new ending?
Okay, I don't have any courage. Fear is the part of my life. I can't beat that. But I use that fear to protect me for another selfish thing.
I fear when I stand alone
I fear to be judge of many people
I fear I lost people who loved me
I fear I can't give them the best result
I fear I disappointed everyone who supports me
I fear I can't responsible my highest achievement
I fear, God would be mad of me
I can't mention all but that fears enough to make me strong. Yeah STRONG and FEARLESS. That's why I called this blog FEARLESS.
So, which step have you reached today?
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